Santa Claus is an embodiment for Satan. Have you noticed he is all about Desires? Give up the desires of the flesh and repent of your sins! Ha, ha, not really … I got that off a religious website. What are these dudes smokin’?
Santa is not Satan – in fact, he’s the anti-Satan. I know, because I saw this movie on TV once, Santa Claus, and it was made in Mexico. Lucifer was pissed at Santa for some reason so he sent his emissary, Pitch … look at the clip below, that’s Pitch doing an interpretive Evil ballet. He and those other devils dancing around, they look kind of … ah, flaming. There were no masked wrestlers around to foil Lucifer’s Evil plan, so Santa had to do it.
Anyhow. The thing is, even at a time like Christmas when we’re supposed to love or like (or pretend to like) each other, Satan’s in there doing his Evil work. Always one to piss on a parade, Satan wants to ruin Christmas for everyone because he’s just so Evil. Santa does his best, but he needs your help in stopping Satan’s mischief this year. You gotta know where to look for Satan, because he’s a master of disguise.
There’s a lot of rock music that pretends to be about Satan (sample some below) but really there’s only one Satan in rock and roll. And that’s Mike Love. Remember when Church Lady on “Saturday Night Live” scrambled Santa into “Satan”? Scramble Mike Love and you get … EVIL !!! But with a few letters left over.
Also, I think people who make fruit cakes, or send fruit cakes, or are fruit cakes, at Christmas are probably Evil. Don’t be fooled by diversionary titles like “Holiday Ring” or “Holiday Torte” or “Grandma’s Whole Wheat Christmas Frosties,” if you bite into one of those you’re getting a mouthful of Pure Evil. See, there are clues: “Ring.” “Whole Wheat.” “Grandma.” “Mike Love.”
And Satan might actually live somewhere on TV. Probably in the studios of Fox News Channel; his name might be Bill O’Reilly. He hates all kinds of stuff at Christmas – Obama, liberals, atheists. You don’t “hate” at Christmas, Bill. Or could it be … Satan?
OK, enough of this drivel. Here are some holiday songs, and some Satan songs. Merry Christmas, and May Satan (Santa) Be With You.
YouTube: Santa vs. Satan in a crazy Mexican movie from 1959, Santa Claus
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